For a long time I’ve had an interest in nudity. In the past when I’ve looked at photography and paintings I was generally more interested in, found more appealing, people—portraits, figure studies, etc.
Anyway, I was thinking about this interest not long ago, and I remembered something from my childhood.
My family are not nudists. Or even casually naked at home. Seeing people naked was not something that happened in my family’s house while I was growing up. When my younger siblings were babies, I may’ve occasionally seen them naked. But not my parents. I n ever saw my mother naked. I think I may’ve seen my father naked maybe twice—in a changing room at the beach or somewhere like that.
And while my parents were never super preachy at home about nudity or sexuality being sinful, I did have instilled in me this sense that being naked was inappropriate. And, of course, at church I learned that sex outside of marriage was a sin, etc.
What was emphasized by my parents was intelligence, knowledge, studying, learning. We knew how to use a dictionary and we had a full set of the World Book Encyclopedia. And we were encouraged to look stuff up if we didn’t know how to spell it or what it meant. So the encyclopedia was a good thing, full of useful, important information.
Well, at some point I discovered a few exciting entries in the encyclopedia: “sculpture” (or maybe “art”?) and “mythology”. What was exciting was that there were pictures of nudes in these entries.
(You know, stuff like that.)
I was maybe 10 years old or so—definitely pre-pubescent. So, my interest, my excitement was not of an adult sexual nature. In other words, I wasn’t masturbating to those pictures. I would sit on the floor behind the couch, in front of the shelf where the encyclopedias stayed, and look at these entries. It was the same as when I would look at other entries. I wasn’t trying to hide it, exactly, although I did have an awareness that I could get caught and that would be bad.
I never did get caught. I had some sense that nudity was forbidden or naughty or something. But, at the same time, this was in the encyclopedia, which was supposed to be a good thing. Confusing, eh?
I think at some isolated times as a child I saw some National Geographic nude natives. Again, it wasn’t exactly a mature sexual thing. But I had what seems like a natural interest in seeing nudity as a child. And as an adult, I’m still interested.
Of course, nudity gets all mixed up with sex. That’s where the naughty/inappropriate thing comes in. I mean, I don’t think that sex should be considered naughty or inappropriate, but that’s what we get in our culture.
Sad.