Sleepytime

For a while now, instead of coffee I’ve been drinking a mix of store brand black tea and “Sleepytime Tea” (by Celestial Seasonings).

I used to drink “Tension Tamer”. I really liked the flavor, but I can’t find that at my grocery store anymore.

Recently, I saw “Sleepytime Extra” at the grocery. It was in a noticeably bigger box, slightly different design, and twice as many tea bags at a slightly lower price per tea bag. So, I bought it. I didn’t think much about it and just assumed the “extra” referred to the bigger box it was in.

Also recently, I’ve been feeling really sleepy at various times during the day, like when I go to the theatre to do my job playing in the pit for a show. At first I thought I’m just tired lately. But the past day or two I’ve been wondering if there’s something wrong with me. (Maybe I should say, something ELSE wrong with me, along with the other stuff that I already know about.)

This morning, maybe half an hour ago, as I was making tea, it struck me that I’m drinking “Sleepytime Tea” several times during the day, and I’m feeling sleepy when I’m sitting in a room with dimmed lights (i.e., the theatre). I started wondering if the tea had something to do with it. Is there something in it that actually makes people sleepy, instead of it just being a cute name? So, for the first time, I actually read what was on the box. Well, it turns out that the “extra” in “Sleepytime Extra” is valerian root, which is a traditional sleep aid.

Perhaps I need to look more diligently for “Tension Tamer” as my normal daily tea (to mix with the cheap black tea) and save the “Sleepytime” for actual sleepy time.

#Chrismus

Last night during rehearsal for a show I’m doing which opens soon, I mentioned to a cast member that one of our 2-show days is my birthday. She asked what my favorite candy is, and I told her, no, no, don’t do that. Then she said she was going to get me a card, and I said I didn’t want that either. I wrote this down and gave it to her at the end of rehearsal:

I don’t need presents from people on my birthday.
I need presence of people...in my life...all year.
That’s the real meaning of Chris-mus.

On facebook I’ve made several #Chrismus posts. And like those posts, my note to that cast member was kind of jokey. But it’s also true. The whole point of my Chrismus (a.k.a. Chris-giving or Chris-vember? – you know, my birth month) posts is to maybe get some people to spend a little time with me. It’s an unusual bit of optimism on my part.

(If you regularly read all facebook my posts or maybe some of these blogs, you’ll know this already.) I don’t have people in my life – people that I spend time with, or even people who I regularly talk with. I realized a few days ago that I don’t even speak out loud very much. I talk a little in rehearsal, more if I’m the music director and it’s a music rehearsal. I might talk a little bit with the teacher in dance classes, two days a week. But otherwise, the most speaking I do is when I talk out loud to myself sometimes, at home or in my car. There’s literally no other person(s) around that I can talk to, or listen to, or just be in the same place.

(By the way, if you actually know me, and you’re ever around me at a rehearsal, etc., and I seem to overshare about whatever is going on in my life, that’s why – I literally have no one to talk to about stuff.)

So this #Chrismus thing is an admittedly likely-to-fail attempt to raise awareness of me in the minds of people who sort of know me.

Maybe you don’t want to know me better. I realize that I probably come off as a weird and miserable person sometimes. But you can help me with that. On my actual birthday, I don’t love getting a lot of “happy birthday” wishes. I’ve posted about it before. The jist is that hearing from a bunch of people who I never really talk to, or spend time with, or barely even know, makes me feel bad, not good. So, instead of birthday wishes, if you want me to feel less depressed, less miserable, less alone, initiate an actual conversation with me, about...I don’t know, anything? Or better yet, meet me for coffee. Or lunch. Or come over to my place and hang out for a little while. Or invite me to yours. Or for a walk in a park. Or schedule a photo shoot (no, it doesn’t have to be nude). But not just ON my birthday – any time. Maybe we’ll along well, and become actual friends, not just acquaintances who only see each other when we do a show together.

Perhaps you’re thinking, “Hey, Chris, why don’t you make an effort to get to know people, instead of expecting them to do it?” Well, this is an attempt to do that. My past attempts have largely failed. Many people seem uninterested in actual friendship which requires interaction, or, more likely, people are just so busy, busy, busy.

What I desperately need in my life, and have greatly failed at, is people who not only want to be friends with me, but who are also willing to make the effort it takes be friends with me.