the women in Les Revenants

I watched this show recently on netflix: The Returned (Les Revenants) 

It was very good. It’s about people in this little French town dealing with the return of dead loved ones. It is absolutely NOT your standard zombie-fighting story. It’s more about loss and letting go, or rather not letting go. I guess also there’s a fair helping of secrets and lies. It’s sort of moody and sad. Anyway, I really liked it. 

Something I really enjoyed about it is the way the women looked. I couldn’t help but notice that the female characters in the show were NOT presented in an especially “sexy” way. Their clothing and makeup and hair seem to not have been designed to make them look enticing. In fact, none of them wore much noticeable makeup. Some of them had wrinkles, some had dark circles under their eyes, some had moles or other “imperfections”…and they were beautiful. Well, of course they were all attractive. I mean, they’re actors in a TV show. But they weren’t all sexified. They looked like people. 

Even the love scenes (some of which even included actual nudity) did not seem to my eye and brain to be designed for enticement. Sure, they could’ve communicated that these people were having sex without having to show it. But it never seemed really gratuitous. It really was part of the story. It was very refreshing. 

Also, these female roles were generally not just someone’s wife or girlfriend or mother. I guess you could say they were “strong female characters”. But that’s not something that occurred to me while I was watching it. They were just people—people who had relationships and feelings and actions, and happened to be women. Gee, imagine that. 

happy dream

I feel like I’ve been awake all night editing pictures.

I wasn’t actually awake editing pictures. Nope. But I WAS dreaming that I was editing pictures all night. Good pictures. Some really awesome pictures.

These were pictures I had taken, and not self-portraits. These were pictures of other people, some I know and some I don’t. Some of the people were nude; some were clothed. Some pictures were of one person; some were of more than one. They were all people who had agreed to model for me.

Apparently, they liked what I do was a photographer, and wanted to help me, to be part of it. I like those kind of people. 

But, almost the whole time I knew I was dreaming. I knew those pictures didn’t exist, and those people didn’t really exist. I knew I was dreaming, but I didn’t want to wake up. All these different people, willingly modeling for me? Reality is so much more disappointing in that regard. 

email response

From time to time I post on craigslist an ad seeking people to model for me. I have a hard time finding models. People that I know tend to be busy, or just not interested. Or, in some cases, I think they make inaccurate assumptions about what I’m asking. So...I look for models on craigslist. It's led to a few actual photo shoots, but most of the responses end up leading nowhere. 

Part of my ad is always "Serious inquiries only." To me that means someone has considered the idea, it’s something they actually want to do, and maybe they’ll have some questions about it. What I’m hoping to avoid is a “oo, neat, that sounds fun” response or a response that fails to demonstrate any sense of seriousness and intelligence.

Well, sometime in the middle of last night I got a response that just said, "What are photos used for". (Note the lack of appropriate punctuation.)

I don't quite take that response as a serious inquiry. I was trying to decide whether to just ignore it, or to respond with a sort of sardonic attitude. The latter won out. I did, in fact, just send the following email.

What are photos used for?

Well, I’m not sure if this truly gets to the heart of your question, but… Different people take photos for different reasons. Some endeavor to capture moments they feel will be somehow significant: birthdays; family gatherings; sporting events; graduation. Or maybe simply to capture images which are appealing or unusual or entertaining: the Grand Canyon; a funny ad on a roadside sign; a sunset; a cute kitten. And there’s the sharing of such images with others who aren't present. Taking pictures might be a sort of aid to memory, though that’s likely more a result than a reason to take pictures. There are those for which photography becomes a sort of obsessive thing—people who are constantly taking “selfies” or who post on facebook their “outfit of the day”—in these cases, the self-photos may perhaps be simply a way of interacting with the world, or they may be indicative of some deeper need, some legitimate psychological issue. A more serious photographer may have documentarian or photojournalistic leanings. And then, of course there are artistic endeavors. 

I think my photography is in part a sort of social interaction. I’ve taken tons of pictures of myself, and that’s fine, but I’d much prefer to interact with others and capture pictures of other people. I’ve been giving some thought to what a model brings to the model/photographer relationship, and for me a model is more than simply a body to move around and put into various poses. I think I tend to respond to the attitude and personality and mood of a model. And I hope that I capture some of that in some small way with my photos.

Also I consider my photography in part to be an artistic endeavor. That, of course, opens up a whole debate about the nature and purpose of art, which has gone on for a long time and, I’m sure, will continue to do so. But I will say this about art: there’s something in us humans that drives us to create and express in a way that goes beyond the everyday, ordinary, functional tools we use in life.

So, as I said above, I don’t know that really speaks to the meaning of your question.  Perhaps you’re asking what are PHOTOS used for—photographs themselves, the physical end result of the photography process. Certainly they are physical manifestations of any of the motivations I mentioned above. But they themselves may be collected into albums or stored away in boxes, maybe framed and hung on walls or placed on mantelpieces or end tables.

Of course, what most people do these days is digital photography. And for most images captured this way, there may never be a physical, printed photograph. It’s all on the computer, or out there in the internet. That is what I do: I transfer photos from my camera to my computer, where I delete many of them and edit the better ones; eventually I post them on my blog or perhaps on facebook. I have occasionally printed copies of a photo, framed it, and given it to a friend as a gift. And I have some prints of photos hanging on the walls of my apartment. But mostly it all stays digital.

That does bring to mind another issue of significance, which is the ease of access we in the “digital world” have to images and music and information. It’s become so easy to create and access so much stuff—and we do create and access SO MUCH STUFF so easily—that I fear our ability to appreciate it has been diminished. We see so many images and hear so much music and are just flooded with information that we mostly just ignore. And it seems that much of what we don’t ignore we experience in a fairly shallow way; we don’t examine, we don’t analyze, we don’t critique. We don’t stop to figure out why we like or dislike something, and we may not even determine if we actually like or dislike something.

Well... That’s a whole other diatribe. And it doesn’t really answer your question.

Perhaps this answer of mine is a bit long-winded, considering your five-word question. But sometimes I have a lot to say. And I’m quite certain that somewhere in all of my ramblings above is the answer to your question.  

Mostly I’m just being a smart-ass there. But I did touch on something serious. In addition to being an artistic endeavor, I do think of my photography as a type of social interaction, an attempt to share something with the world. I don’t know that it’s very successful. I don’t think many people actually look at my photos.

Two people I recently asked to model for me had made the same assumption that I only do nudes. And that just says to me that those people haven’t actually looked at my photos. I suspect they are not the only ones who haven’t. That saddens me. I’m certain that assumption contributes to my lack of connection with, lack of closeness to, most people. And this is the overwhelming problem of my life. 

another photo dream

In the past month or so I’ve had several dreams about photography. This is a fairly recent thing. I never used to dream about photography.

In my first photography dream I had found a bunch of pictures and some video I had taken several years ago (when I wasn’t, in reality, taking pictures) but had totally forgotten about. A few were of some models who I didn’t actually know, but most were of my ex-girlfriend. Other dreams were just about taking pictures of various people. I don’t recall the details.

Well, I had one of these dreams last night. I was taking part in some sort of photography workshop or maybe a contest or both. I was one of several photographers who had gathered for this thing, and whoever had organized it provided a bunch of models for us to photograph in a couple of locations. The models weren’t professional models, just people who were posing for us. One of these “models” was someone I know, from the local theatre world.

I go annoyed with these models, because they weren’t all that great. In fact, they almost seemed to not want to be photographed. Every time I would point my camera at them, they would move, often turning away or even moving away from me. They didn’t seem to want to be still enough that I could get a decent, in focus picture. (It’s a lot like the experience I’ve had when trying to photograph animals. I haven’t done much of that, because they’re generally not co-operative models.)

This one “model” who I knew approached me after I finished shooting her to try to get the negatives. Of course, there were no negatives, no film. It’s all digital. I think maybe she wanted to destroy any that she didn’t like. In real life, chances are I would delete any that she wouldn’t like before I really even start editing. Also, in real life, I’ve always let the model see the edited “final” pictures for their approval before I ever post anything online. I don’t want the model to be unhappy with the pictures I’ve taken.

Toward the end of the dream, I was trying to take some casual, non-posed pictures—sort of like “behind the scenes” or something. And there was a cool shot I tried to take of 3 girls sitting on a couch. But the moment I pointed my camera at them, one of them moved and got into “I posing now” mode. That pissed me off. I didn’t take the picture, and I yelled, “No!” then tried to explain a little more calmly that if I’d wanted her to move, I would’ve given her some direction.

I’ve never yelled at a model in real life. But a couple of times recently, in rehearsals, I have decided to not take a picture because the subject shifted into “I’m posing now” mode. What I wanted was to capture what I saw, which was really nice, instead of somebody trying to look cool or pretty or whatever.

If I’m working one-on-one with a model, I’m fine with “posing” mode. That’s sort of what the whole shoot is. And I’m fine with trying to look cool or pretty or whatever. In fact, I’ll make suggestions and give directions to try to help a model look cooler and prettier or whatever-er. 

torn

I’m sort of torn.

Many people who know me are aware that I prefer being naked. I just do. It feels good. It seems right. In the summer it’s great because I don’t have to turn up the air conditioning as high as I would if I were clothed.

However...

It’s winter now, and I don’t want to turn the heat way up high all the time. It’s my checkbook, but also the planet—it’s bad for both. I just don’t want to use energy unnecessarily. And I’m broke-ish. So most of this winter, I’ve been wearing some clothes around the house. Much more than I normally wear. If I don’t turn the heat up, it’s just too cold for comfort.

But when I go very long without being naked, I just get out of touch with my body. I’m not especially healthy, not really in shape, but when I get out of touch with my body this way, I feel less healthy, less happy.

So…I’m sort of torn. 

cute little lesbian girl

So...Ellen Page is gay. “Who is Ellen Page?” you might ask. She’s this chick:

Here’s some info, if you want it:

Ellen Page - IMDb

Ellen Page - Wikipedia

She very recently came out of the closet. Who cares? Okay, well I care. But only because of this:

Whenever I see Ellen Page in a movie, she SEEMS smart—which I like—and funny, but in that sort of sarcastic way—which I like. And she’s cute, and short, and brunette, and maybeslightly boy-ish—all of which I like. (Yes, even the “slightly boy-ish” I like. That’s just how it is.)

And all that means on some weird level in my brain, I think she should be my girlfriend. So, yes, I care that she’s gay only because now I know a celebrity crush I have would never be my girlfriend in real life.

Yep, pretty much like every other actual, real-life crush I have. Especially the smart, funny, cute, short, slightly boy-ish ones, ‘cause they usually turn out to be lesbians. Or religious. Or both. (That’s just how it is.)

But other than the fact that I like her (on some non-reality level), I don’t care one way or the other that she’s gay. Why would it? It doesn’t bother me if someone is gay. Neither am I “proud” or “excited” if someone is gay. Why would anyone care? Again, unless you (or maybe a friend) is romantically or sexually interested in someone and want to know if there’s a chance.

Even if you are a religious person, and your religion says homosexuality is wrong, why would you care enough about another person’s preferences to make a big deal about it? After all, salvationist religions (Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism—religions in which you’re supposed to do something or think something or fell something in order to be “saved” from our current sinful/illusionary/temporary existence) are all essentially selfish on a basic level. They’re about working out your individual salvation. You can’t “save” anyone else but yourself. So, why would a religious person be upset about some other person’s life? 

(Oh yeah, maybe it’s not really about religion or “God” or whatever. It’s about the status quo and “tradition” and keeping the masses in line and the fear that it’s all gonna get out of control…as if the humanity is not already way out of control in the way we destroy the world.)

Anyway...

I guess some people are proud of her for “coming out”. But I wonder why the hell do we have a society in which you need to come out? Just to be clear, I am NOT saying that if you’re gay we don’t need to hear about it. In fact, it should be such a normal thing for people who are gay to just be gay that “coming out” shouldn’t be newsworthy. As you grow up and start to feel attracted to certain types of people, just be attracted to those people.

Just be who you are. Is that so hard?

If...

If I were a songwriter, but almost no one would sing my songs, so I sang them myself, no one would have a problem with that.

If I were a choreographer, but very few dancers were to be found to perform my work, so I choreographed a solo dance for myself and performed it, no one would think that was strange.

If I were an actor, but rarely would anyone cast me in a show, so I staged my own one-man show, no one would unfriend me.

If I were a novelist, but no publisher would actually publish my book, so I self-published, no one would think I was immoral.

But... 

I am a photographer, but I struggle with finding people willing to model for me, so I sometimes take pictures of myself. 

And for that I lose jobs. Some that I know of, and probably some that I don’t. 

I lose friends. I know of many, but there are probably people who keep their distance and choose to not get to know me because of it. 

It’s been suggested that I am lacking in character and integrity, and somehow I’m unsafe to be around. And THAT is just plain craziness. Ask anyone who ACTUALLY knows me if I have character and integrity. 

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Anyway, I’m feeling pretty pissy tonight. Another model no-show (and no text nor response to my text) plus a friend telling me they won’t model HER FACE for me because of her job equals angry.