OLD BLOG: Day of Silence

April 26, 2006

So I am observing the National Day of Silence today.  If you don't know about it, here's a web site: http://www.dayofsilence.org/
I suppose writing this blog may be a violation of the spirit of remaining silent, but I feel like I should go ahead and post this.

It's hard to be silent. Just the everyday sort of things, like "hello", are hard not to say. And people think you're rude or there's something wrong until you give them the little "Day of Silence" card that tells what you're doing. It's hard to imagine not talking about something important. I tend to talk to whoever will listen if there's something going on in my life.
Something I noticed today is that I never stopped thinking about not talking, even when I normally wouldn't have been talking. Also, it's very difficult to participate fully in whatever is going on. It's almost a sort of self-imposed exile. I don't normally do a lot—go out, talk on the phone, whatever—so maybe this is easier for me than for some others. But if I did have a social life, I might just want to not do those things. That would be easier.
I, as a heterosexual person, have never really had to make a choice whether to reveal my sexual preference to anyone or keep it to myself. It's just assumed. I think a lot of straight people have never given it a thought. What must it be like to have to decide to publically express a part of you so basic as gender preference? Just think how often we talk about someone we just met who we like, or just went out with and it was good or bad or whatever. How often do we casually mention our significant other? What would it be like to feel uncomfortable with public displays of affection, not for some personal reason, but for fear of what might happen if people found out and didn't like it? If they didn't like the way you are and didn't want you around their children, etc?
That's what this day is about for me: having a slight beginning of an idea of living in silence. But tomorrow I'll be speaking again. I could even speak right now, and nothing would happen. I'm writing this blog about it right now, and I don't have to worry that something bad is going to happen because of it. So I don’t know what it's like. I never will.