terms

I was thinking about my use of the word “naked” and the term “naked person”. That’s how I’ve described myself, my nudity. I generally say “naked” in place of “nude”. And I call myself a “naked person” instead of a “nudist” or “naturist”.

I don’t think I’ve written about this precisely before, though I have addressed these words before: "Nude vs. Naked".

I suppose I like the term “naked person” because to my mind “nudist” and “naturist” suggest someone who does various activities in the nude—beaches, resorts, parties maybe. And I’ve not done that. I’d certainly be interested. I’ve looked into it occasionally, looked for nude resorts, but I’ve never found one that wasn’t either several hours away &/or rather expensive &/or not open to single males.

Many places require a membership &/or a significant day fee. Often the “individual” day fee is the same as the “couple” day fee. And the “no single males” policy is not uncommon. I suppose the reason is the perception that single men would want to go to a nude resort looking for some kind of sexual contact. That’s unfortunate. I’ve seen places where the “single male” fee was significantly more than the “single female” fee. Perhaps another reason could be that such places already have enough men there and want to encourage more women to balance things out.

There is a nude “ranch” not too far from where I live now, but their single male policy is unclear. Perhaps when it’s warmer, I’ll look into it. Of course, I’d much prefer to have a partner to go with, but at least for now that doesn’t seem likely.

Anyway, back to “naked person”. “Naked person” seems simpler in a way. It doesn’t bring up the kind of associations that I feel “nudist” and “naturist” do. Or maybe that’s just me; maybe those are my associations.  

Another reason I like the term is that it includes “person”. I’m a person, like everybody else, but I happen to be naked. And at some times every person is naked.

(Well, maybe not this guy.)

You could say that deep down we’re all naked, and all equal? Or maybe that’s just pretentious bull-shit.

Does anybody reading this have very strong feelings about these terms?

violence

We seem okay with violence, but nudity we race to criticize and censor.

-Eva Mendes

I have a friend on the facebook who was recently sharing a lot of pictures from a page called *Clean* Funny Pics. Those pics and the page are no longer available. Not sure why.

Some of the pics I found funny, but it just seemed to me that many of them simply rely on violence or violent language for their humor. I can’t remember what they all were, but here are 2 that I do remember and found elsewhere:

wanderings.net

I didn’t find this funny. It’s actually kinda sad.

premad.tumblr.com

This one is kind of funny. It’s the one that first got my attention. It’s also kind of violent, but that‘s not what got my attention.

In the *Clean* Funny Pics version the word “screw” was blacked out. I, quite naturally I think, assumed the blacked out word was “fuck”. So, in this case, censoring the picture actually made it worse. Maybe not technically worse, as it didn’t have a “curse” word, but it made me think a “curse” word. 

It’s like in ancient Greek drama, where the violent stuff happened offstage, or in a suspense movie, where you know the bad guy or monster is there someplace but you can’t see it. To show it makes it definitive, but leaving it unseen lets the imagination perhaps go further than would ever be possible onstage.

Ah well, my point is that I often don’t find violence all that amusing. I prefer the Marx Brothers to the Three Stooges. When I was a kid I thought some of the Stooges humor was amusing, but not anymore. 

Carving

A few days ago I retrieved some stuff that had been in a friend’s basement the past several years. In one of the boxes was a small carving, like a small wooden statue.

My ex gave it to me. I’d forgotten about it. I used to think it sort of represented us: one figure bald and the other with long-ish hair. I’m bald; she has hair.

I always really liked it. And I still do, but now it’s a little depressing.

Yeah, ‘cause I’m alone.

I’ve actually been thinking about her lately, a little more than usual. It’s been about 6½ years since we broke up.

The suggestion has been made that my being naked is a sexual thing, but when she and I were together I enjoyed being naked just as much. Also, before she and I met, I liked being naked. So, it’s not ‘cause I’m not getting any that I’m naked all the time.

Anyway...

I miss her. I miss her-then, not her-now. I don’t know her-now all that well. We’re still friends. We keep in touch on the facebook. She’s married. She has cats. She’s a different person now.

Since her there’ve been people I was interested in, but nothing much ever came out of those relationships—well, maybe some anger and hurt feelings.

I suppose I just miss being with somebody, and she’s the person I was with most recently and the longest. 

“Unfriend” #1

I had a friend who stopped talking to me. Not recently; this was some time ago.

I suppose she's my first "unfriend" due to my being naked. Wait, actually there was another girl a few years earlier. In fact, there may be others even further back. I don’t recall.

Anyway, this girl wasn’t a facebook unfriending; it was a real life unfriending. She was never friends with me on the facebook. That’s actually how I became aware that she wasn't talking to me. She wasn’t on the facebook for a long time, even after “everybody” was. Then a few years ago I saw that she had joined the facebook, but she ignored a few friend requests from me and some messages.

I didn't know what the deal was at first, and I wanted to know. She wouldn't return my calls or messages. I realized something was wrong and heard second hand sort of what it was.

Then I ran into her and she was all, "Oh, hey! How are you?" as if nothing was wrong. So I said (something like), "No. That is not acceptable. If you wanna talk to me about this, fine. But don't act like nothing's wrong." She said "Okay," and just stared at me. I said "Okay" and walked away. And nothing since then.

Sadly, she and I had been pretty decent friends in the past.

I used to hang out sometimes at her place. Then I moved away; when I came to visit, I’d stay there. (There was an extra room.) And she saw me naked sometimes. It never seemed to be a big deal. She seemed okay, or at least not upset, about it. It was something I did to be funny, amusing, "for a lark". 

But then one time I asked her out to dinner. And she brought a friend along. Later I told her that I'd meant dinner with just her. Now, I wasn’t feeling any particular romantic urgency toward her. There had been a time when I was sort of interested, but I didn’t pursue it. And at that point when I asked her out, I wasn’t really interested anymore. I was only in town for a little while, and didn’t know when I’d be back. And I certainly wasn’t trying to get laid. That’s just not me. To be perfectly honest, I thought it might be a nice gesture. And I thought we might have a nice time.

I think what happened is that she was uncomfortable with my invitation. That’s why she brought her friend. So, sometime after that, she saw me naked again. It may’ve been a day or two or a week or month, maybe that time I was visiting or the next—I’m not sure about the timing, ‘cause to me it wasn't a big deal. Well, apparently to her it was a big deal. Apparently she felt that it was some kind of sexual advance.

It wasn’t. 

As far as I was concerned, It was no different than any other time I’d been there. 

But(!)...

She has issues. With men. Well, with sex, and relationships. I just didn’t get how serious those issues were. So, now she has issues with me.

I haven’t written about her before, but a few things have reminded me of her lately. So...there it is.

It makes me sad that she decided that we couldn’t be friends.

It makes me angry that she didn’t talk to me about it. 

The 60-something facebook “friends” that I’ve lost sometimes make me upset, but honestly the loss of her friendship was more upsetting than losing all of those people combined.

At this point, I don’t know if we could ever be friends again—maybe at some future point(?)—(and I don’t expect her to ever see this), but I might be willing to consider it. I’d be willing to listen if she wanted to have an actual conversation about it. But I’m not willing to pretend that everything’s fine, when clearly it isn’t.

Beauty Pageants

Since this years’ Miss America Pageant wasn’t long ago, I thought I’d write something about pageants.

recipes.howstuffworks.com

I have long felt that beauty pageants should just get real, be honest about themselves, and get rid of the swimsuits. I don’t mean to get rid of that portion of the competition, but to just lose the suits. Seriously, what is the point of that, except to see what these women’s bodies look like? And my feeling is that naked would be more honest—no padding, no pushup, no tape, just what you’ve got.

I mean, come on, you can call it a “scholarship pageant” all you want, but I don’t see any “ugly” girls there in the traditional pageants. Well, that may not be totally true, but the “ugly” ones don’t get very far. For real, you don’t have to be really smart...

...nor really good at your talent.

(Ug. First, why is she singing “Memory” in Italian. And, second, are those actual Italian words? I can’t tell, and I work with opera singers all the time. Oh yeah, also please work on your technique, pitch, and lose the arm stuff. Okay, just had to get that out.)

It’s mostly about being skinny and matching certain “ideals” of beauty, ideals which I often find unattractive.

I have known several women who did pageants, who have varying opinions. 

There’s one woman who said that “being in front of thousands of people in a bikini is liberating.”

A singer I knew, who was in a local qualifying pageant, thought it would be classier to have a live accompanist for her talent than to sing with an accompaniment track. So she asked me to play for her. Well, those girls all seemed nice onstage, but backstage there were a few catty bitches.

Anyway, my friend wasn’t really comfortable with the swimsuit part. Her comment about it was that she felt like a “piece of meat” and that she needed to “work her ass off” every day to feel in shape enough.

There’s another woman I know, who, when I found out about her pageant participation, I looked her up. When I saw her pageant pics, I thought she was SO much more attractive now. Less makeup, less severe-looking...more like a beautiful human woman. Here’s what she wrote to me about pageants:

“It hurts to be beautiful”....literally!
Referencing: eyebrow waxing, bikini wax, weight loss, heels heels and high heels, skin care, hair care, exercising, meal planning, talent coaching for some, interview coaching, finances for wardrobe, and more! Well, it comes with the territory!

So, I guess my point is that I find the “beauty” in beauty pageants to be often unappealing or misleading.

lasvegassun.com

And that if you’re really trying to judge these women’s beauty—and don’t pretend that you’re not—then have them appear in a more natural state, an “au naturel“ state. While you’re at it, bring in some women with real curves, not just the scary-skinny, six-packed bitches. Encourage them all to be the size they’re meant to be instead of fighting and struggling and working to fit some Barbie-doll mold.

lasvegassun.com

One former pageant participant wrote to me that “No one really is out there but gay men anyway,” but to that I would add that there are also former Barbie-doll molds/pageant participants (formerly skinny bitches). Also, perhaps most distressingly, there are friends and family who are fully supporting this behavior, this culture of celebrating “beauty”—painted on, fake smile, starving and over-coached, sparkly-dressed, approval-craving women desperately trying to look like this bizarre epitome of “beauty”.

(Yes, I realize my point may not be clear. It often isn’t. I’m not really an essayist. And my general ranting about the typical look of pageant contestant is probably getting in the way of my point that they should be naked instead of wearing swimsuits and tape.)

"The Naked Now"

I just started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on the netflix yesterday. “The Naked Now” was the second (or third, if you count the first 2-part episode as 2) episode in the first season. It’s an homage, or at least a reference, to “The Naked Time” from the original series.

I feel like I’m eating my vegetables, or maybe wading through the so-so episodes before the series really starts swimming. There’s nothing forcing me to watch these earlier episodes, but I generally like watching an entire series in order.

It seems to me that all the newer Star Trek series took a while to hit their stride. I’m not sure about the original series. I watched it in syndication when I was a kid, but don’t remember much. So I tried watching it on the netflix not too long ago. I got through 2/3 of the first season, but I just couldn’t take any more of the mediocre acting and the long “dramatic reaction” shots where characters just had these odd, intense expressions on their faces while bad music played. And, of course, there’s the bad special effects. 

Anyway...“The Naked Now”...

The crew is exposed to some virus-type condition which lowers their inhibitions. They keep describing it as being like intoxication. And most everyone who is infected goes around flirting and touching and making out and presumably fucking whoever they can get their hands on.

It’s a little bothersome to me that the series suggest 300+ years in the future, we’ll still have the same repressed attitudes about sex &/or sexuality. I hope it won’t be true. That is, assuming we survive another 300+ years.

If we don’t kill ourselves off directly, by war or some sort of nuclear or other similar disaster, we’re very likely to damage the environment to the point that human life is unsustainable. We’re well on our way to that already. I think the only way to avoid it, is to let go of our “traditional” mindset concerning how we use resources and how we define our civilization, the importance we put on maintaining our accustomed lifestyle.

And on the whole war thing, maybe if all the dudes in charge would just get together in a room and strip down, maybe there’d be less posturing and all that crap, more openness. And therefore, less chance of armegeddon.

“It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.”                -Henry David Thoreau (1817-62)

"Endless Pleasure, Endless Love" (naked opera 3)

Rosemary Joshua and chorus in "Endless Please, Endless Love" from Semele by Händel.

English National Opera, London, 1997

I really like this. It’s fun.

There’s another video of this aria with Cecilia Bartoli in what appears to be the same or very similar staging, but to me she seems less playful, less fun throughout. And her exit is more modest. So, boo! on all counts. 

that naked feeling

I don’t always wear nothing around the house. I’m not completely naked.

Well okay, sometimes I am.

But right now, for example, I’m wearing socks and the new blue knit hat I bought the other day.

During the winter I often wear socks. It’s a little chilly. But between hat and socks, I’m wearing nothing but a smile. I find the knit hat does a lot to keep me warm. The next thing I might put on would be a long-sleeve t-shirt or one of several sweatshirt hoodie type things. Pants are always last. It’s not about having my penis hanging out. It’s that the back and shoulders seem to want to be warm more than my legs and butt, etc.

So, I was cooking earlier. The kitchen gets a little warmer than the rest of the apartment, so I took off the knit hat before I went in there. And I had this sensation of being “naked”.

It’s happened before. It’s an interesting sensation. The part of me that most people would consider the defining element of nudity is uncovered the whole time. It’s something else—in this case, the hat—that makes me feel naked when it’s removed. Sometimes it’s happened when I’ve gotten accustomed to wearing socks. It doesn’t happen every time I take something off, but when it does happen it usually lasts several seconds, maybe even as many as 10 or 15.

I think the first time I noticed it was a few years ago when I was at the beach for the winter. I was doing some writing and walking on the beach a lot and making necklaces of shells I’d picked up. I started wearing one—the first one I’d made—almost all the time. So when I was “at home” (in the apartment where I was staying) I was wearing nothing except that necklace. And my glasses. After several days, I took it off, and suddenly felt very naked. It was strange. Interesting, though.

I’ve even had the sensation when I wasn’t technically naked. Not long ago I had a friend over who insisted that I wear something. So I was wearing a thong. And there was a moment when I suddenly had the sensation of being naked. It was just a moment. I guess that’s a little different. I hadn’t taken anything off. In fact, I was wearing more than I normally do, but it wasn’t when I put it on. We’d been hanging out for a while, and I have no idea what prompted it.

That also happens occasionally—a momentary awareness of the fact that I’m “naked” without having taken anything off. But in that case, it’s just for a moment, a second, or less than a second.

The sensation of “feeling naked” isn’t about how much or little clothes one is wearing. I think it’s mostly a matter of what you’re used to. And it doesn’t take all that long to get used to a certain level of clothed-ness or unclothed-ness.

Well, I suppose if you have serious issues with your body image then it might not be quick to happen. But that puts me in mind of something I’ve not ranted about here lately: that people’s being more comfortable with nakedness, and being naked more, would lead to a healthier body image, especially if one grows up that way—seeing normal people with normal bodies naked sometimes, outside of a sexual context. Less shame about what you look like and a better sense of what’s “normal”. 

That’d have to be good for the world, right?