teary-eyed

Lately I’ve noticed I tend to get emotional over movies or shows I’m watching.

I’m thinking about it, because I just had one of those reactions to a movie I was watching: The Lake Effect. 

It’s not like I’m crying outright, but I get a little teary-eyed.

The thing that gets me is when there are characters who struggle and are in pain or, especially, are lonely, but then in the end it changes. It’s not that they are necessarily happy, but they discover that they have other people and therefore they have the potential for happiness, or contentment, or something like that. Maybe struggling and pain will still happen, but they don’t have to do it alone.

That’s what gets to me. That’s what got to me in the movie I just watched.

It’s because I feel very much alone. That’s nothing new. And I’m starting to fear that it’ll always be this way.

I never used to think I wanted to get married and have kids and all that typical stuff that everyone seems to just assume they’re gonna have because it’s what people do. People do way too many things just because that’s how things are, that’s what “normal” people do.

Anyway... Now, I’m not sure. I’ve thought about it. Mostly I just want a real connection.

I don’t feel that I have people. I have relatives who I just don’t seem to connect with very well. I don’t feel that I really resonate with them, or vice versa. And I know a bunch of other people, but there’s no one close. Most people I know I think of as “acquaintances” or “colleagues” more than friends.

Occasional banter on the facebook is one thing, but are we really friends if we live in the same town and almost never see each other? There was a colleague of mine a few years back with whom I thought I would become friends. But she just never had the time to get together, hang out, or anything.

Forward to today, and she & I never interact, even on the facebook.

There are “facebook friends” with whom I interact. We comment on each other’s funny posts. But I guess nobody wants to hang out with the naked guy. Well, there’s the occasional emails from somebody who’s seen my blog. Always a guy (except possibly the “fan mail” from last week). And the gist is generally: You like being naked, me too; let’s hang out naked. Maybe it’s a sincere, non-sexual invite, but somehow it always strikes me as kinda creepy. I guess I’d rather hang out naked with some of those “acquaintances” or “colleagues” that I already know and know that I like, know that I have something in common with them.

But, again, I guess nobody wants to hang out with the naked guy. A lot of my “acquaintances” or “colleagues” unfriended me when I started this blog. And there are many who just don’t ever say anything at all about it. Like, if no one mentions it, then it doesn’t exist.

Oh, yeah, I do have another friend who seems to want to tell everybody about how I love to be naked and I have a blog and she’s really proud and supportive of the blog...except she doesn’t really want to read the blog or actually see me naked; oh, she’s totally cool with nudity...unless it’s actually happening around her.

Sorry. A little off topic.

Wait, what is my topic?

Oh yeah. I’m alone.

God, what a boring topic.

And I go on about it way too much.

So, I’ll not continue it.