Offended?

The word “offended” is quite popular these days. And it has an interesting dual use. 

So when we feel some hard-to-identify (or scary to identify?) unease about something, we can say we feel offended. This, of course, implies that something outside of ourselves has offended us and this other thing (person, etc.) is therefore offensive. And that’s a bad thing, right? Because people’s words or actions or beliefs aren’t supposed to be offensive. 

But, on the other hand, when another person gets offended by something that we believe or support, we can just call them out as being overly sensitive. “Oo, you’re offended by my horrific social and political beliefs.” We belittle others’ feeling of offense when we don’t share it. But when I feel offended, suddenly my sacred rights are being infringed upon. 

Okay, so here’s what I think people need to do. When you feel “offended” that is the time to stop and give the situation some thought. Ask yourself, “What am I actually feeling? What am I uncomfortable about? And (very importantly) WHY is this thing or person or whatever making me feel uncomfortable?” I know, I know, nobody wants to actually work on themselves. Nobody wants to question their own beliefs or even be aware of their own assumptions about the world. 

But just being offended and then angry because things haven’t changed the way you want them to isn’t making things better for anyone. It’s time we stop assuming we’re offended when we might be afraid or embarrassed or any number of other emotions. And it’s important to remember that nobody has a right to not be offended.