that school I worked at that one time

This morning I saw a facebook friend’s post about a former facebook friend getting a “prestigious” job at a private Christian college. I refrained from commenting on the post. The post was all about “congratulations to my friend, blah, blah,” and the comment that came to my mind was, “I worked there. Could not stand it. So fake. Left after one semester.” 

I didn’t post that comment. But it’s on my mind. (Apparently, I have too much free time to just have a thought then let it go.) So I’m writing about it here. 

I worked there. Could not stand it. So fake. Left after one semester. I told them half-way through the semester that I wouldn’t be staying. I worked as an accompanist in the music and theatre programs. I took the job because I had nothing lined up after a New Hampshire summer stock season which left me with not enough money to go back to NYC. Someone I knew at college posted on the facebook that the school where he was now teaching voice needed an accompanist. So I wrote him, and the school hired me on his recommendation. 

All I knew was that it was a private college – actually, it had recently become a university – that had some connection to a church. I had in the past worked at a private college that had some relationship with the Methodist Church. At that “Methodist” school, there were probably a lot higher percentage of religious students than you’d find at a state school. But it wasn’t an extremely religious atmosphere. So, I thought I had an idea of what I was getting into at this other school. 

This other school – I’ll go ahead and name it: the University of Mobile. It’s not actually in Mobile, but no one’s going to attend the “University of Saraland.” 

The Univeristy of Mobile is not a seminary, nor a bible college. When I was there, they described it to me as “a liberal arts school with a Christian perspective.” Now (I saw this on the link my facebook friend posted this morning), the school describes itself as “a Christ-centered liberal arts and sciences institution.” They are affiliated with the Baptist Church. I don’t think you have to be a Baptist to go there or work there. I wasn’t. I’m not (and have never been) a Christian. Now, if I had been teaching there and not just an accompanist, I would have had to make a profession of faith, because they would have considered me responsible for the students’ moral upbringing. 

The atmosphere there was not what I expected, not like the other school where I had worked. It was very religious and kind of disturbing. The students also had to make a profession of faith. This was a school where they would (maybe still do?) kick you out if you’re discovered to be engaging in homosexual activity. That is, unless they think you’re a significant addition to the program – you’re a really great singer or whatever – that they want to keep you there, so instead of kicking you out, they a big prayer session over you. 

It was so very fake. A lot of public praying – prayers generously peppered with the right church-y catch phrases, to let everybody who hears you know that you’re the right kind of person (or maybe the right kind of Christian?). It was like they were so “Christ-focused” that they couldn’t see how mediocre they were making their performances. When I say “Christ-focused” what I really mean is that they were busy trying to make everything they did nice and pretty and not possibly offensive or challenging to anyone because Conservative-American-Jesus wouldn’t want that. But that is not what art is about. It’s not what a higher education is about. 

And it wasn’t just about the music. There was a woman (an administrative assistant) who’s job it was at one big multiple group concert to check that all the young women’s dresses looked right – the right length or style of whatever. I don’t think any of the female students in that performance wore anything other than a dress. (Because that wouldn’t look right.) The appearance of righteousness and right-ness was obviously more important than the substance of things. I was told twice by the head of the department that I shouldn’t (or couldn’t – he had a slippery way of getting people to agree to things without sounding like he was outright telling you what to do. It took me a couple of conversations with him to realize it. I think of him as a snake-oil salesman.) talk about certain things – like the fact that I wasn’t a Christian – because “we don’t want to confuse the students.” 

Here’s the thing, though... At that level of education – a “liberal arts” university – maybe you DO want to confuse the students a little. You want to present complex ideas and encourage them to think and perhaps learn to deal with conflicting information, information that may not fit conveniently into your previous understanding. In my resignation letter to the department head, I said something that I hoped he would understand: as you mature, a time comes to “put away childish things.” (That’s from the Bible.) He liked to say that they were “training the next generation of lay leaders in the church.” I told him that if he wanted the church to do something other than shrivel away, those future leaders needed to learn how to deal with complex and uncomfortable realities. Things like the fact that I might be good at my job and have something worthwhile to contribute without sharing their belief system. 

This was 8 years ago. It hadn’t occurred to me then that “the church’s” future could be in more prejudice and fear and ignorance. I don’t know if that’s what happening in “the church” today. But that’s what seems to be happening with conservative America today. I have no current involvement with churches or church-affiliated groups. I’ve had it. I grew up going to church. We had to – my parents were the ministers. I’ve seen too much hypocrisy and bullshit. I’ve met too many people who say “I know what I believe,” yet know little or nothing about their church’s history or doctrine. People who are religious, but can’t hold a real conversation about religion because they’re just plain ignorant about it. 

I admit my intolerance of religion. Whenever I see people’s facebook posts of Bible verses or about how great God is and how He provides, or when I see people praying off to the side – or right there in front – before a performance or something, instead of going into your room and locking the door to pray privately (that’s in the Bible), I cringe. I retreat. I recognize that those people are probably not my people, even if they have other appealing qualities, like a sense of humor, or being a great performer, or being really intelligent. (And that one is the heart-breaker: really intelligent, educated, moderate-to-liberal people of faith, who never apply that intellect to their belief, unless it’s as an apologist. I just don’t get it.) 

I understand that for some people religion or faith or “spirituality” is a balm. I understand that we humans evolved with spiritual questions (about the nature of existence and out part in the scheme of things) much the same way that we evolved with language and story-telling, with tool use, with group identification. And all those things are still part of what makes us human. So, while I can’t reasonably expect humanity to entirely give up religion, or the need to seek answers to those kinds of questions, I (and we all) can and should hope that humanity lets certain things fall away when they’re no longer serving a beneficial purpose. Fall away, like the leaves that are falling off the trees right now outside my window. Those leaves will be replaced eventually. And I hope that hypocritical, fear-and-ignorance-based religions will be replaced by something useful. 

Oh! To put a nice, little, bring-it-all-back-to-my-original-starting-point bow on it... I didn’t make that comment on my facebook friend’s post, because this rant of mine has run to well over 1000 words, and who wants that on their facebook?

The Church of Trump

During and after last night’s election debate (which I hesitate to call “presidential”), I’ve seen a lot of fact-checking, particularly of things that Trump said. 

I worry that fact-checking someone like Donald Trump will have little or no effect. Trump himself will just tell another lie and keep telling it until that lie becomes inconvenient. And his supporters seem to exhibit a sort of religious attitude toward him and whatever they think he said or did or didn’t do. 

Actual, verifiable facts don’t really matter when your attitude is “Trump said it, I believe it, that settles it.” The Trump-isms that complement the believers’ attitudes and hopes for ‘Murica, they quote and fetishize, while either ignoring or being ignorant of the inconsistencies and the morally problematic history. And anyone who is not one of the faithful is a tool of evil, trying to replace the Messiah-Trump with Lady-Satan (or, as she’s known in her human form, Hillary Clinton). 

For me, just like with religions, perhaps the saddest part is that not all Trump supporters are ignorant hillbilly-types whose critical thinking skills only extend as far as what to order from the value menu and who to vote for on American Idol. There are reasonably well-educated people who will twist and turn and do all manner of mental gymnastics to defend the idea that Trump can actually do any of the things he talks about doing as president, and making America great again. I think we should start calling these people “Trump apologists”. Just like with religious apologists, I am confused when otherwise intelligent people put so much effort into trying to craft an intellectual defense of something that is inherently anti-intellectual. 

giant, side-of-the-road crosses

You know what I’m talking about, right? Giant, side-of-the-road crosses. They look like this:

They’re huge eyesores that you’ll see driving along the interstate, or highway, or maybe even local city roads. Well, there are two things I think about whenever I see these monstrosities.

First, and more important: 

If someone went around this country (The United States of America) putting up giant symbols of ANY other religion in the world, there’s a sizable chunk of the population – i.e., those extreme conservative, christian, Fox News-watching types – who would lose their fucking minds. They would, strangely, consider it an attack on their religious beliefs, to have such a thing forced upon their eyeballs. Yet, if someone suggests they take down these disturbing, giant crossbar-ed phalluses, for religious reasons or any other reason, really, those same folks would call out their right to free speech. 

And second: 

If this were just some guy putting up something this shape and size, everyone would think (though they might not say it) that the guy just has a small penis. I will let you all draw your own conclusions about the size of God’s penis.

“What can we learn from our children?”

I just saw this posted on my facebook timeline.

Tonight I asked [my infant daughter] if she could say "Jesus". She looked deep into my eyes and didn't say anything, but she watched my mouth as I repeated, "Jesus... Jesus". Then, I said, "Do you remember what Jesus looks like? Did you see him before you were born? What does Jesus look like?". She then hugged me tenderly and stayed there for quite awhile. I said His name a few more times, each time with resulting in her hugging/holding me and not letting go.
What can we learn from our children? — feeling blessed.

Well, here’s my answer to the question “What can we learn from our children?”

Your little child doesn’t know what the hell you’re talking about yet. She hugged you because either she was confused or she thought you were confused. But pretty soon, she’ll start saying “Jesus” and thinking there’s a nice little heaven place. And there’s a real lesson here to learn from your children: they start mimicking your behavior and beliefs; they absorb the stuff that’s around them without being able to critically examine it. See, they don’t know any better and that’s how their little infant brains work. (See the movie Jesus Camp for examples.)

Now, the person who posted that isn’t generally stupid. I think that like many people she’s got this intellectual blind spot when it comes to all that Jesus and God and church nonsense. And guess what, it was probably put there when she was a kid, and she never really got over it. So after rebelling somewhat as a young adult, she “came back to the fold”. That is, when things got a little rough in her adult life she reverted to the default setting she learned in childhood: Jesus loves me, and I can let the imaginary God deal with all the stuff I don’t want to think about…Whee!!!