Previously unseen photos

I dreamed last night that I found a bunch of photos I’d forgotten about and hadn’t posted anywhere. I’ve had this dream before. While I’m having the dream, it’s sort of exciting: cool photos of mine that people haven’t seen before! But when I wake up, I do not like the dream. 

Here in real life, there are photos that I haven’t ever posted anywhere. Some are just not as good as those I did post, or I didn’t want to post 50 photos from the same shoot. Others I think are actually quite good, but the model the model didn’t want me to post them. And whenever THAT has happened, it made me really mad. It still does. I currently have cheap prints (from my printer) of a couple of such photos hanging on my wall, but visitors here are quite rare. 

In the past few years I’ve had a very hard time letting go of my anger at people who’ve disappointed me (like models who’ve said after a 2-hour shoot and quite a few hours of editing by me that they don’t want me to post their photos). Actually, “been unable to let go” is probably more accurate. 

I like taking pictures, but this whole area of artistic exploration has cost me. It's certainly cost me a ton of "facebook friends" but also some real-life friends, of which I’ve never had many. It's definitely cost me some work as a musician, which is ridiculous. I mean, it’s an unrelated field, yet people don’t want to hire me because they think what – I’ll show up naked at a rehearsal? That’s not going to happen. 

Anyway, I’ve probably lost more work than I know, but there are at least two people I know for sure refused to hire me because of my photography. (See "So, what happened to Mississippi?"& "So, what happened with City Arts?") In one case it was someone for whom I didn’t care much nor have much respect. But the other was a guy that most of the people I know locally loved and respected. That guy recently died, and it seems everybody was eulogizing him. Meanwhile, I was still pissed off at him, though I didn’t say anything at the time (I’m not completely insensitive), and I think that just pushed me further away from all those formerly friendly acquaintances. 

Well, this has gotten bitter. I am bitter. I think I never entirely fit in the world before, as a composer and writer. But most of the time it seems that my photography – principally my choice of subject matter – has pretty well pushed me right out of it. 

On “#freethenipple”

Instead of just talking to myself this morning, in response to a facebook post I was seeing (Challenge the Way We Sexualize Women's Breasts), I wrote this stuff down. Someone was asking about the agenda behind “freeing the nipple” and how it relates to rape culture, etc. 

Not sure how clear my logic is, but... here it is. 

On “#freethenipple” 

Acceptance of a part of the body, the nipple, is a move toward acceptance of the body in general. We in this culture have a horrible problem with our bodies. There’s still a very strong theme of “our bodies are bad and shameful” running through our culture. It’s very clearly connected to another concept – that sex is bad shameful and needs to be hidden. 

These things are whispered in our ears from infancy, when we can’t even understand the words yet, and they become so ingrained in us, that we don’t even see them. They’re simply threads in the tapestry of what we think it is to be a human and a society. When sex is bad and shameful and the body is bad and shameful it leads people to have very unhealthy relationships with their own bodies, and trouble dealing with other people’s bodies. 

Now, add to that another basic problem of our culture – inequality of women. There’s a strong tradition of women not being considered full participants in human society, of in public society. Men are political leaders, men run businesses, men create art. Women are off on the sidelines or in the background. When you mix in the “sex is bad and so are our bodies” it creates a situation in which women are seen not as people but as objects to be viewed &/or possessed. That’s sexual objectification. 

It’s easy to see in a culture that forces women to hide away, or to completely cover up their bodies in public and not interact with men. But it’s still pretty easy to see, if you’re looking, right here in our country. Men are largely judged on their action and achievements and the content of their character, while women are still largely judged on how hot they are. And while we are still saying that naked bodies are bad and shouldn’t be seen in public, we’ve become mildly addicted to highly sexualized naked or almost naked bodies – chiefly women’s bodies – in movies and TV, advertising, and (of course) pornography. 

If men are humans and women are sexual objects, and sex is bad and shameful and shouldn’t be discussed or even dealt with in an open and reasonable way, you get... rape culture. So, a move toward acceptance of the body is a move against rape culture.

PEMDAS

I just saw one of those posts asking people to solve a relatively simple math problem. I’ve seen these on the facebook from time to time. 

In this case, the problem was this: 6-1x0+2÷2 = 

There are some correct answers (7), and some incorrect (mostly 1 or 3.5, some 5). 

Ironically, some of the people who have the wrong answer are calling other people stupid. The answer is 7 because of a thing called “order of operations”. Order of operations means that you solve certain parts of the problem before solving other parts. It’s also called “PEMDAS”, which is an acronym for the order. 

In this case, there are no parentheses, nor any exponents (like x²). So the next thing is to do the multiplying and dividing from left to right, then the adding and subtracting from left to right. 

This is basic grade school math. You’re supposed to learn it in fourth grade, or somewhere around there. But a lot of people have simply forgotten it. It’s not something that we use in our daily lives, so we forget most of it, just like a lot of stuff we learned in school. (Well, some people forget it. Some of YOU people.) 

Anyway... 

The really weird thing about these kind of math posts is that some people recognize what the correct answer actually is and why, but then they say it ought to be something else because that’s what makes more sense to them. Well, those people really need to stop that, because it’s math, and their opinion and what subjectively seems right inside their head doesn’t matter. Math has rules. Maybe it would “make more sense” to just solve the problem left to right, with no regard for the order of operation, but that’s not the rule. I didn’t make that rule. That’s just how it is. Probably the order of operations is useful when you get into more complex equations, but it also applies to simpler equations, so people who do use math won’t have to learn a different way to deal with more complex equations. 

We seem to live in a time (and culture) where people think their opinion about something like this is just as valid as anyone else’s. It’s not. Your opinion about the answer is irrelevant. It’s like saying “I think it makes more sense that our sky is yellow instead of blue, because the sun is yellow. That’s what makes sense to me.” Well, it doesn’t matter, because the sky is blue. There are complicated science-y reasons for it. 

It’s okay to not know something about math. But being ignorant doesn’t give you the right to have your own opinion that’s “just as valid” as the actual way to solve this math problem. The same is true about science and tons of other areas of study and expertise. Yes, sometimes things are up for interpretation, but a lot of it isn’t. This particular math problem isn’t. 

You can also apply this complaint of mine – that many people are adamantly certain they know what’s right because it “makes sense” to them – to our cultural attitudes about most social/political issues. In fact, I feel justified in saying this little math problem is what’s wrong with our country today.

Pulling Strings – my review

Last night I watched Pulling Strings.

The movie is roughly half in English and half in Spanish. I watched it on netflix. There was issue with the subtitles. (I don’t know if that would be true if you rented a DVD or watched it somewhere else online.) When you turn on the English subtitles, it only shows translated subtitles for the Spanish dialogue. Y los subtitulos españoles aparecen sólo para el diálogo Inglés.

But that wasn’t a big deal. Here’s what was a big deal: the ending.

As I watched the movie, I thought it was a nice little romantic comedy – sweet, cute, fun. I liked it. And then the ending happened. Literally, the last couple of minutes of the movie ruined it for me. What would’ve been maybe a 4 out of 5 star rating from me is now 2 stars, because of that ending.

SPOILER ALERT.

Here’s what happens:

The man hurts the woman; the man asks for forgiveness; the woman refuses and leaves the country; the man is devastated. Now if that’s the end of your movie, fine, so be it. I’m okay with that. BUT NOOO! That wasn’t the end.

Cut to "one month later" and the woman just shows up out of nowhere, and suddenly everything's okay – no questions, no explanations, no apologies, no nothing?!?! Just, happily ever after/the end?

I’m sorry, but that is not acceptable. I say no to that ending. I reject that overly simplistic, happy ending. Fuck you, movie.

While this isn’t the best movie ever made, it deserves a little more than that, more than just the woman shows up and everything is fine – no hurt feelings, no recriminations.

¡No mames, pinche película! 

giant, side-of-the-road crosses

You know what I’m talking about, right? Giant, side-of-the-road crosses. They look like this:

They’re huge eyesores that you’ll see driving along the interstate, or highway, or maybe even local city roads. Well, there are two things I think about whenever I see these monstrosities.

First, and more important: 

If someone went around this country (The United States of America) putting up giant symbols of ANY other religion in the world, there’s a sizable chunk of the population – i.e., those extreme conservative, christian, Fox News-watching types – who would lose their fucking minds. They would, strangely, consider it an attack on their religious beliefs, to have such a thing forced upon their eyeballs. Yet, if someone suggests they take down these disturbing, giant crossbar-ed phalluses, for religious reasons or any other reason, really, those same folks would call out their right to free speech. 

And second: 

If this were just some guy putting up something this shape and size, everyone would think (though they might not say it) that the guy just has a small penis. I will let you all draw your own conclusions about the size of God’s penis.

Fuck you, Roy Moore.

I just watched this:

Well, fuck you, Roy Moore.

Even IF we accept as a guideline for laws that we are “endowed by” our “Creator” with certain rights, what the fuck does that have to do with how you define marriage? “Creator” does not necessarily mean conservative, Baptist-y version of Jesus.

If you’re falling back on a traditional, historic, Biblical-God definition of marriage, well, we don’t do most of that shit anymore. (Fuckin’ look it up if you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Anyway, what about the rest of that line: “pursuit of happiness”? And what about equal protection and equal application of laws?

As I said, fuck you, Roy Moore.

Fuck.

You.

skirt blowing

Apparently there was a thing called a “skirt blowing machine” at amusement parks. It blew a burst of air up through a vent for the purpose of blowing up women’s skirts, revealing their legs and undergarments. Sometimes this vent would be part of a “fun house” or sometimes at the exit of a popular ride.

AND there was a person whose job it was to operate that machine. So when a woman walked by, the machine operator pushed a button or pulled a lever or whatever, causing the burst of air.

ALSO sometimes there would be one or two other amusement park employees whose job it was to take a woman by the hands – ostensibly to help them down from a ride, etc. – but in reality they were guiding her to the air vent and preventing her from pushing or holding her skirt down. They might even hold her there longer, and control how long her legs and undergarments were exposed.

Now, I can sort of get how someone might think this is just good, silly fun – everyone laughs and the woman is embarrassed but not really hurt. BUT I can easily see how this could feel like a real violation – with not choice or foreknowledge to be made into a sort of sexual spectacle for the general public’s entertainment.

Mostly it’s really difficult for me to grasp the mindset and the cultural environment in which something like that is normal and okay. This was still going on in the 1960s and 70s, maybe later. Actually, for all I know, it could still be going on at some parks.

Obviously our current culture has a really messed up relationship with sex and nudity and with our bodies. Maybe there’s something beneficial in public displays of bodies and sexuality – in admitting that we humans are sexual being and that a sexual appetite is normal and healthy. But I guess it’s the lack of choice in this whole “skirt blowing” idea that rankles. Should not the skirt blowing be optional? What if everybody knows where the skirt blowing vents are, and can easily avoid them if they choose, but also everybody tacitly agrees to be “surprised” when a skirt is blown up?

Hmm... Ya know, I’d probably take issue with that as well. Yeah, I’d probably say to that, if you want to expose your body, just do it. You don’t have to be ashamed of it. It’s your body, woman or man, and if you want to show your ankles or knees or thighs or every bit of it, I say yes. Empower yourself; be not ashaméd.