"impressive"

So, lately I’ve had several people, in commenting to me about the blog, use the word “impressive”. And in conversing either they explicitly said or I got the distinct impression that they were talking about the size of my penis. There’ve been others in the last several months who said the same thing.

Honestly, I just don’t get it. I’ve never thought of myself as physically impressive. Not my penis or any other part of me.

I’m certainly not tall. If I’m in a room full of men, chances are most of them are taller than me or at least the same height. I’m probably on the lower end of “normal” or average. I think average U.S. male height is about 5’9” or so. I’m 5’7”(ish) barefoot.

Average U.S. male weight is about 190 lbs. I’m maybe 150-something. I don’t have a scale at home.

So I’m not tiny, but I’m smaller guy.

Interestingly, women who are larger may have this whole body image problem arise from society’s teaching them that women are supposed to look a certain way, be a certain size. Well, I think men who are smaller have a similar problem—especially as adolescents—in that society also teaches that men are supposed to be big and strong and muscular.

Anyway...I’m also on the smaller end of average in penis size. While I haven’t spent tons of time in locker rooms or communal showers, and I’ve never been to a nudist resort or beach, I’ve seen a few penises in real life. And there are tons of them online. The average penis size is something 5-6 inches erect (3.5 inches when flaccid). I am... small but “normal”. (I suppose if you really want to know those measurements, you can ask.)

So, what is the deal with these people all finding my penis “impressive”? If you look at all at porn with penises (i.e., not just nude women) you’ll find much larger and thicker penises than mine.

I’m not upset about it—my penis size. It’s fine. It is what it is. I’m much more concerned that eventually my penis won’t “work” as well or at all. You know, sexually. And that I have wasted and continue to waste many of the good years not using it...at least not with anyone else.

(Sigh.) Oh well.

Actually, I rather like my penis—the way it looks.

I have a friend who, when I asked for feedback on my blog, said that I have a nice penis. It wasn’t what I was expecting or even the sort of feedback I was looking for, but it was great to hear. Of course, I’m used to the way it looks, as I’ve lived with it all my life. But I’ve seen some unattractive penises out there in porn-land: scary, aggressive-looking or oddly shaped penises. Maybe that’ll be a blog entry sometime: different penis “personalities”.

I have posted some pictures on the blog where I’m (yes, I’ll say it) erect. Hopefully, those aren’t too porn-ish. I don’t want this blog to be porn-ish. I don’t really have a problem with (most) porn. But that’s not what I’m doing.

There was a recent entry which was mostly erect or semi-erect penis pics. I assume that entry prompted the recent “impressive” comments. Now, I haven’t spent a ton of time with penises other than my own and certainly not erect ones, so I don’t know what my viewers are comparing me to. But when I look at those pictures I see a penis which isn’t really that big. I can’t help but wonder if maybe it’s the lighting or the angle or a background/foreground issue that makes these folks (or you folks, if you’re one of them) have that impression. OR, maybe they (you) are focusing mostly on just the penis and not really picking up on size/scale clues.

Perhaps they want to say something, but don’t know what to say. They want to be complimentary, say something nice because they like the blog. But they’re just not accustomed to having a conversation about someone being naked. How often do most people have conversations about being naked?

(If you’re one of the folks I’m talking about, feel free to chime in. Or if you’re not, feel free as well.)

Maybe there’s some other psychological thing involved. Perhaps the fact that these people at least sort of know me makes it more shocking to see these pictures of me naked than it would to see a stranger.

Wow! I know him! And he’s naked! There’s his penis...and it’s still there. Yep, right out in the open. Not hidden or obscured. Oh! And there’s a picture that’s just his penis... Penis. Penis! PENIS! AAAAHHH!

So maybe the psychological impact is greater because they (you) know me. And the penis seems bigger in the brain than on the page (or in real life).

The way we perceive external stimuli can be greatly influenced by stuff going on inside our head. There may be things we thought we saw or heard, etc, but which didn’t actually happen that way. And there may be things that we saw, heard, experienced, whatever, but which for various reasons we are unable to handle; so our brains put it elsewhere and we don’t remember. Or, there may even be a situation where we experience something so far out of our point of reference—something that seems impossible to our brain—that it either doesn’t exist for us or we turn it into something else that makes sense.

So if those things can happen, then I, having studied psychology (some), am inclined to believe that something psychological is happening when someone views my blog and thinks my penis is “impressive”. 

3 month-iversay (+1 day)

Yesterday was the 3 month-iversary of this blog.

3 months

149 posts

≈5,919 views

64 un-friends

Well, I think the trends from a month ago are continuing:

less views than in the first month or so;

still very few comments from those who are viewing;

I think, in general, people are communicating with me less, or ignoring my comments on the facebook— maybe it’s just my imagination, but that’s how it seems.

Lately I’m finding motivation to be an issue. I’ve done less writing lately and more pictures. It’s like I just feel like putting forth the effort. I suppose I’m depressed.

I do tend to get sort of depressed this time of year. I don’t know if the shorter days have any real effect. I’m not working at all right now during winter break, and not doing much of anything, really, except sitting around all day watching stuff on the netflix.

My ankle is still a little troubled, although it still seems to be getting better. Maybe I’ll start exercising. A few days ago I really wanted to go for a walk, but the ankle was just too sore. And I’m sure if I would start writing something else—a script—I’d feel better too.

I’ve never been good at inventing things to do to keep busy, just like I have trouble going to bed at a decent hour when I know I don’t have a reason to get up in the morning. I’m not good at fooling myself, or at least fooling myself on purpose. I’m sure I lie to myself about some things, like everybody else. But I really try not to.

Well, if there’s anybody around who’s actually reading this and wants to do something—you know, something free or super-cheap—let me know. I could really use a reason to get off the couch.

Bad Blog?

I was thinking about taking a little “naked tour” this winter, in the break between semesters. My parents were wanting me to come visit for Christmas.

yeah,  yeah...ho ho ho, whatever

I don’t go “home” much. It’s not home. My parents moved there 5 or 10 years ago. I don’t know anyone else there. And I’m just not that close to them.

Well, I thought I might visit them for a few days, so they’ll stop bugging me for a bit. And while I’m out and about, I’d visit several other friends too. Specifically people who would be okay with my being naked, and hopefully would be okay with my taking a few pictures for the blog. Nothing so specific that would identify them or their house...unless they were cool with that. They could get naked with me, or just pose clothed with me naked. Or not. I wouldn’t want to pressure anybody.

Anyway, I’m not gonna do that now. I feel like I need to stay here. Another holiday holed up alone somewhere.

For one thing, I’m kinda broke. Not desperately broke...yet. I haven’t gotten enough work this whole year—several years actually. And some of the work I’ve been doing, I’ve put much more effort into than I’m getting compensated for.

The other thing is that I need to do some writing. I haven’t been writing lately. I was planning to, expecting to do some work on a couple of scripts this fall. But it seems that doing this blog every day is diverting my daily creative impulse. When I’ve written a blog or taken a bunch of pictures and selected, edited, whatever, then I don’t feel much like working on a script.

I need to figure out how to do both without one or both suffering.

I got nothin'

I’m open to suggestions. Fear not, suggest away.

Anyway, no “naked tour” now. Maybe in the spring? Or summer? That’d be more comfortable anyway. And if you’re interested in my “naked visiting” you sometime, let me know. Invite me. 

Stuttgart Alcina (or, naked opera 2)

Georg Friedrich Händel

I actually don’t really know anything about this opera.

Alcina (by Haendel)

Nor about this production.

Staatsoper Stuttgart 1999

But in researching the topic of nudity in opera, I came upon this video.

I’m not sure if this counts as onstage nudity or if it’s a wardrobe malfunction, but considering the dress (which is kinda awesome) it’s either the former or the later just waiting to happen.

Catherine Naglestad “Ah, mio cor”

An issue I have with this particular video is that, given the explicit sexiness of that black dress, I don’t really buy the fact that the “boy” is a boy.

Yeah, pants roles (female singers playing young male characters) are a traditional operatic convention. But I often have difficulty turning off the part of my brain that says “that’s a woman”. And in this case, it’s even worse. I think the fact of seeing breasts onstage makes me all the more aware of the breasts on that “boy”.

Another point about this video: I’m not sure how I feel about the contemporary look and feel of an older opera, one which has the sound and feel of an older opera. Maybe it’s just the harpsichord, but for whatever reason, the visual doesn’t match the aural. I don’t mind a director’s changing the setting, nor doing a sort of minimal set, etc production, nor even something more surreal and eclectic—if it works. I suppose even changing the time period would be okay in some cases. But if it sounds old, putting it in a modern-looking and modern-feeling setting seems odd to me.

I don’t seem to have any problem with taking it in the opposite direction: for example the musical Les Miserables is set in revolutionary France in the early 1800s, yet the music is contemporary pop-ish musical theatre. I’m fine with that. And of course, I’ve seen productions and movies of Shakespeare plays that put the action in a more contemporary setting. Some were effective, some weren’t. There’s a great film of Richard III set in 1930s England. I think it works quite well.

So what’s the difference? I don’t know.

Anyway...my original point was: here’s an opera production that fits what a friend of mine was talking about when she said “More graphic nudity, sex, violence is definitely a trend in opera. I think it's trying to appeal to our dulled senses.”

If you’re interested, here’s my first naked opera entry:

“Strauss & 7 Veils”

Pineapple Muffins

So, they came out pretty well. I’m glad I don’t have to title this “muffin fail”.

They look suspiciously cornbread-ish.

And they’re a little too moist...slightly gummy, even.

They’re not bad. Not amazing or anything, but tasty. Just too much liquid in the mix. Next time I’ll try pineapple chunks, not crushed pineapple.