on posing and posers

I have a dichotomous feeling about asking people to pose for me.

On the one hand, I am the first person who would encourage you to try something new, or to go ahead and do something even though it might feel strange or even though you might feel uncomfortable. If it’s something you want to do, or something you’re interested in or curious about, or whatever, go for it, even if it makes you nervous. As long as it’s not something dangerous (actually, slightly dangerous might be okay, like bungee jumping) or harmful, and especially if it’s something that might be fun or help you grow as a person, why not do it. Don’t let nervousness, or mild to moderate discomfort make you stop.

But, on the other hand, I don’t want to be the person who keeps bothering you about doing something that you just do not want to do. If something is really uncomfortable, maybe you shouldn’t do it. If it brings up all sorts of horrible memories or feelings, then maybe you’re not ready to do this hypothetical activity, and you should work on yourself a bit and deal with those issues.

I was thinking yesterday about contacting an acquaintance with whom I’d talked in the past about modeling for me. She has done a little modeling, and earlier this year we had sort of tentatively decided to shoot some pictures. But it never happened. And yesterday I considered asking her again if she was still interested.

I didn’t, though. I’m tired of asking people I know if they’re interested in modeling for me (or doing anything with me, really), and getting either one of those non-committal, “maybe when I’m less busy”, “I’m never really comfortable in pictures” sort of answers, or no response at all.

It’s okay to just say, “no.” Or, “I’m afraid you’re gonna ask me to get naked, and I’m even more afraid of that.” Or even, “I think you’re creepy, leave me alone.” I would prefer that. It’s unambiguously clear, and if I really know what you mean, then I’m not going to bother you with it again.

I’m not all that great at picking up on people’s subtle actual meanings. I used to believe people most of the time, only to be disappointed and hurt when I eventually understood that they didn’t mean what they’d said. Of course, sometimes some people do mean what they say. I’m just not always sure how to tell the difference, especially when it’s in a facebook message (etc). So, unfortunately, I often just assume that people are lying. Maybe not “lying” exactly, but not being honest and open and direct and clear. (One of my shortcomings as a writer is that I don’t generally deal much with subtext.)

Anyway… With all that having been said (written), let me mention again that I have a new camera that I need to learn how to use in the next couple of days. So hey world, come model for me. You don’t have to be naked. And, just to be clear, while I am often naked here at home, I won’t be naked while taking your picture, whether you are or not.

(By the way, I’m very suspicious of the “not comfortable” response. The people who’ve told me that all have many wonderful pictures of themselves on the facebook.)