awkward me

A few nights ago, one of the only people I talk to regularly told me I was awkward. It came out of my not wanting to be around anybody that evening. I could blame it on still feeling emotionally weird about the events of last week. But she was right. I’m kind of awkward, socially.

I didn’t used to feel that way about myself. I was definitely shy Chris when I was younger. And that kind of turned into my being quiet and observant when I met new people. It would take me a while, but I’d eventually stop being shy and just be open, honest, sometimes brutally so, Chris.

So now, it seems that has turned into awkward Chris: a Chris who doesn’t interact very well with people, who often doesn’t have anything to say and often doesn’t even want to be around people. And then when I do talk, if I have something to say, I sometimes go much farther than anyone wants to go.

Anyway, I do feel awkward. I was just thinking tonight, while talking with a cast member during a break at rehearsal, that I had no idea what I should say to this person. Really, no idea, and I don’t know if I seemed awkward, but I definitely felt it.

I don’t want to be awkward. It is possible that I’m starting to develop a debilitating condition of social awkwardness at this point in my life?