“No.” (Valentine’s Day 2012)

I feel like most years my Valentine’s attitude has been “bleh” or “psh”. But this year I feel unsettled. I have some kind of negative feeling about the day, I’m just not sure what it is. It’s not that same sort of “eh, whatever” feeling. But I don’t exactly feel angry or depressed.

Just a few minutes ago I saw someone’s facebook status: Will you be my valentine?

Immediately I wanted to comment “No.” Nothing cute or witty, just “No.” I guess that’s pretty-much how I feel about the whole Valentine thing. Not witty, or cute, just no.

I was thinking a day or two ago about Valentines. Again, on the facebook, some kid I know posted how he was gonna be alone on Valentine’s Day. My thought was get back to us in 20 years or so. I’ve spent most of my Valentine’s Days alone. My Senior year in high school I was seeing someone then, so I probably had a date—thanks Michelle.

12 Valentine-less years later, I met Amy; we were together for 5-ish years. Years 1 & 4 we were in different states. Years 2 we may’ve been together, or our off-and-on-again period may’ve already started; it was definite going on in year 3. Years 5 & “ish” we were living together, so we may have done something special.

Since then, nothing. 7-ish years of pretty-much nothing. Big dry spell.

I’ve certainly felt depressed at points in those 2 big stretches of no Valentine years. But my attitude about this particular day was that it’s just another stupid commercialized holiday where you’re encouraged to buy stuff & to keep participating in our consumer-focused culture.

Today I feel more negative, but less focused than usual.

Bitter. Maybe that’s it. In the past I’ve been dismissive. Maybe there have been some bitter past Valentine’s Days (perhaps if you, reader, have been around me on February 14th you can share your impression). But now I feel less dismissive and more bitter. Yes, I think that’s it.

Part of me does want to just comment “Yeah, fuck you,” to all the people posting happy Valentine’s wishes on the facebook. But I shall try to refrain from spewing bile indiscriminately. I hope you appreciate the effort.