The problem with this blog is...

This past weekend, I was talking with a friend about this blog. She expressed some concerns, impressions, reactions. Mostly it wasn’t really anything new. But I thought I might share a little, and ask for your feedback. So please, feed my back ‘cause it’s hungry...wait that can’t be right. How ‘bout this? I fed you this blog, now you feed me back your response.

One general idea that came up was that for some people who know me, just the fact that they know me makes this blog problematic. My response is that just because you know someone doesn’t mean you should feel upset or awkward because you’ve seen them naked. We’re all people who are naked some time or another. Also nudity can help folks have a healthier idea of what bodies actually look like, blah, blah, blah.

In a sense, being naked is a sort of honesty, openness. Of course, I know that unfortunately most people aren’t ready or willing to be all that open and honest. I suppose I should just find myself a naked community and move there.

A more specific reaction of my friend was that, since she does know me, she’s heard and/or read (on the facebook) my expressions of loneliness and unhappiness in my personal life. So somehow this blog is that. I’ve said before that had I not been so bored several months ago, I wouldn’t have started this blog. And I don’t know, it may also be true that if I had a significant other I might not have started it. But as I said to another friend some time back, the blog is “not a general dating invite.” Although I would like to have a girlfriend, I have absolutely no expectation that this blog could lead to my having one. In fact, it might make it more difficult to get a girlfriend, as many people would be uncomfortable with their significant other having a blog like this. But honestly, that doesn’t feel like a pertinent issue in my life. I’m not expecting to get involved with anyone; rather, I’m doubting it.

Does anybody else have that reaction? Not that I’m unlikely to get involved. I mean the idea that your knowledge of my loneliness makes this blog seem like I’m trying to fill that space.

Another reaction of this friend—and one that’s not about me, but rather about the pictures...well, it’s also about me—is that some of the pictures seem to her to be a middle-aged dude taking pictures of his penis, and putting them online. And to her that’s kind of sad. I guess it’s related to the previous thought about my being lonely, etc. Obviously, the blog IS a middle-aged dude putting pictures of his penis online. I mean, some of the pictures in this blog are just my penis.

But even the erection pictures are, to me, an exploration of the body—in this case, the male body...my male body. This is a new area for me. I’d never thought of myself as a photographer or a visual artist.

I think the problem with the middle-aged penis-dude is that people think it’s creepy: it’s a lonely guy expressing his sexual desperation hoping that someone will take the bait. “My penis...anyone? anyone?...no?”

So...is that me? I think at least mostly no. But maybe there is some element of that. Maybe by doing this blog I’m hoping for some connection to people. I don’t know. What do you think?

I’ve felt various reasons for starting and continuing this blog.

Boredom: sure, along with the desire to do something a little unusual; it’s sort of the idea of wanting to do something drastic, like shaving one’s head...except I’ve already done that.

One of the more compelling reasons I have—a sort of coming out: a desire to be more open about this part of my life, the fact that I’m naked and enjoy it; I’m still the same person, I haven’t changed, etc.

I think the desire to express...something is involved here as well, especially lately; all the looking at and judging my pictures and deciding which to post has stirred an artistic sensibility in me; I’m feeling a desire to capture/create and share interesting and compelling pictures.

Thoughts, anybody? I really do crave feedback.

I think as a burgeoning “artist” I’m lacking in knowledge and equipment and opportunities. I should take a class, but my schedule is inconsistent, so that could be a problem. I’d probably learn a lot if I just had people to work with—models and photographers. But without money to pay real models, without a studio, I don’t see that happening. So, if anybody’s interested...

There’s also the whole sex thing...how it gets in the way of discussions or displays of nudity. My discussion with that friend seemed to get a bit off track when we got to this. I wasn’t quite sure the point she was making, and it got away from my blog a bit. But I’ll make this point: sex isn’t something to fear, or at least it shouldn’t be. (I’ve mentioned this a little before.) And so what if sex “gets in the way” with some of my pictures? I still feel confident that what I’m doing is not porn. An artistic exploration of sex is a valid endeavor.

Well, I generally don’t get a lot of comments on this blog. I know, people don't know what to say, how to respond. But if you’ve read all this, you might have something to say; I probably would, even if it’s just “I agree”. But especially if you don’t’ agree with everything I’ve said, I hope you’ll comment. Feel free to totally disagree, bring up some point I’ve not touched on, whatever. Please.