Silence is Deafening

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

–Mark Twain

I don’t know that Twain meant exactly this, but, to me right now, this is saying that clothed people either don’t take naked people seriously or they ignore them (us).

Is that it? Just two choices? Leer or avoid?

Well, I’m going to address the avoiders.

You can see what I mean here, toward the end of Erykah Badu’s “Window Seat” video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hVp47f5YZg

People see, react for a moment, or less than a moment—surprise, shock, dismay, whatever—then nothing; they turn away, or they stoically avoid reacting, or rather avoid showing any reaction.

But that in itself is a reaction. It’s also a sort of dismissal.

If you look at the “art school” definition of “nude” (I wrote a bit about this in “Nude vs. Naked") it’s a sort of presentation, a costume of sorts, or, yes, perhaps an objectification. It’s an invitation to view, to consider, to respond to the nude person. Or perhaps it’s a challenge. And avoidance of the nudity is a response of sorts. But it’s refusal to participate, a refusal to consider, to think, to be involved; it’s a rejection—a rejection of the invitation, of the challenge, and, ultimately, it is to some degree a rejection of the person or persons presenting the nudity.

In talking to a few people about this blog I’ve been trying to work out, to figure out and articulate, the reasons I started this.

Yes, it's a sort of “coming out”, but also I was hoping to prompt discussion, reaction, comment...something. But sometimes the silence is deafening. On the facebook, where I post links to the blog, a few people have responded on their own; some others I’ve asked for a response, and mostly gotten something. But some people don’t respond, even when asked directly. For example someone “liked” a (cropped) picture I posted on the facebook. I wrote and said “Hey you liked that picture. Thanks.” Her response was the she wished she were that brave. So, assuming that she at least was aware that the picture was from my blog, I asked if she had any feedback on the blog. And since then, nothing, even after I wrote again to say sorry if it was awkward or uncomfortable and feel free to change the subject. Still nothing.

Add to that the continuing loss of friends. Another sometime in the last 24 hours.

Deafening.
Sure, you might say that many people just don’t know how to respond to this blog. Well, to that I say bullshit. To that I say too many people just go through life trying to be safe.

When I was in college there was once a girl who I thought was really cute; I started chatting with her and after a little while I asked her out. She gave me some excuse that she couldn’t. It was a perfectly reasonable excuse, so I asked again—another reasonable excuse. Third time, same thing, so I asked if she was really that busy or if she just wasn’t interested, and if it was the latter, I just wished she say so. See, I wanted to believe that she was telling the truth. I would’ve told the truth. I’ve pretty-much always felt like this. Just say that you don’t want to go out with me, or hire me, work with me, whatever. I’d much rather you be clear and say what you mean. I can take rejection. I’ve certainly been rejected before and I expect to be rejected again. But I’d like to know, maybe even have the chance to ask if there’s some reason that would be helpful for me to know about for my own edification.

It turns out that girl in college was a lesbian. When I asked the third time, she told me. Okay. Fine. She could’ve said so the first time and saved us both the effort—of my coming up with a possible date idea and her coming up with a reasonable-sounding excuse. But I guess she was trying to be safe. She didn’t know how I might react to her being a lesbian.

So let me say, loudly: I’m not gonna yell or make fun of you for being a prude or feeling uncomfortable or perhaps having a job which you fear losing if my links to this blog show up on your facebook newsfeed. I respect directness and honesty. However, I might “call you out” for running away, unfriending me without a word.