Yom Kippur

So, I missed Yom Kippur.

It was yesterday. I’m not Jewish. I’m not a believer in much of anything religious. I’m sort of a Cynic.

And I’m certainly a Skeptic.

But, I was thinking about forgiveness this morning. Maybe I’m not thinking hard enough here, but I’m not sure whose forgiveness I would ask, if I felt obliged. Who have I offended in the past year? There’s one person who comes to mind, but I’m pretty-sure I apologized for that, right away. Well, the next day or so.

There’s a girl who I needed to apologize to for something from the previous year, but I did that this year.

What are you supposed to do when you feel a certain righteous indignation? Are you supposed to apologize for being angry at someone else’s wrong-doing? I definitely have one of those this year. And a couple from the previous year.

And then I have a friend with whom things have just been weird. I’m not sure I need to apologize. Maybe we just need to talk.

. . .

You can’t really tell, but I took a few minutes there. I just thought of someone I should apologize to. I made a snarky comment on a facebook post of hers, and she wrote me that it hurt her feelings. I did respond, but I didn’t actually apologize. So, I just did that real quick-like.
In doing so I wrote:

“I suppose I don't realize how often my bitter humor hurts people. I suppose I expect people to expect such comments from me.”

So, if there are other recipients of my snarkiness out there who feel hurt, please get in touch and say so. Sometimes I just say what I say, and then, to me, it’s gone. And maybe you’ve held on to it.

There was a girl who was dating a roommate of mine 10 or 12 years ago. One night I came home and they were watching some video I think. Apparently I made some comment toward her that hurt her feelings. I’ve no idea what the comment was, but I remember because the next morning the roommate talked to me about it. He said that most people will see or hear something that leads them to some understanding, then another thing leads them a step further, then another and another and another which eventually leads to some major core issue. (He called that leap-frogging.) I, however, he suggested, seemed able to fly right to the heart of the matter right away.

People aren’t generally prepared for that, so it’s surprising or, when combined with my snarkiness, hurtful. He also suggested that I should use my power for good instead of evil.

Anyway, that girl (now woman...when does that happen exactly? hmm...that’s a different blog) may very well read this, as she & I are still friends, and I’ve not communicated with the former-roommate since probably just after I moved out. Hey “that girl (now woman)” –if you know I’m talking about you, and if you remember that night, and if I never said it before, sorry.

Here I am apologizing for shit I don’t even quite recall from 10 years ago.

Anyway, now I feel this needs a conclusion. So...what have we learned from this blog?
Chris hasn’t changed much in 10 or 12 years, and he doesn’t recall half of how he may’ve offended people.

Chris kinda sucks. No wonder people don’t make much effort to spend time with him.

Wow, that just turned into a pathetic little “poor Chris, pay attention to him” thing. Fuck, I’ve gotta fix myself.